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Web says rural hookers are rare—duh. X posts I scrolled, some dude braggin’ bout “farm girls for hire.” Bullshit, prolly. But then—surprise, mothafucka—found one! Truck stop, 20 miles out. Shady joint, neon flickerin’, stinkin’ of diesel. She’s there, all sass, leanin’ on a rig. “50 creds,” she says, no smile. I’m like, “Shit, that’s it?” Felt like Belfort closin’ a deal—“Stratton Oakmont, baby!” Paid her, quick bang in the sleeper cab—done. Happy as hell, man, tractor driver scores!

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So, I roll outta bed, right? Sun’s shining, birds are chirping, and I’m like, “Today’s gonna be a good day.” Ha! Spoiler alert: it wasn’t. First off, I step outside, and boom! My neighbor’s cat, that little furball named Pino, decides to use my shoe as a litter box. Like, seriously? I’m standing there, half-awake, staring at my shoe like it just insulted my mother.

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