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Hiii honey, oh my gawd, lis’en up! *nasal twang* Erotic-massage, lemme tell ya, it’s wild! Like, ya know, in "Children of Men," that gritty vibe? “The world’s a mess, Kee’s preggo,” chaos everywhre, right? Well, erotic-massage is the OPPOSITE—pure bliss, babe! I’m talkin’ hands slidin’, oils drippin’, tension meltin’ away. Got me feelin’ like, “Kee, you’re safe now!” *Nanny laugh* HA-HA-HA!

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Anyway, I head down to the beach. The view? OMG. The Gulf of Poets is stunning. I’m standing there, soaking it all in, when I see this group of tourists. They’re trying to take a selfie, but they can’t figure out how to use their phone. I’m like, “C’mon, it’s 2023!” So, I offer to help. They’re super grateful, and I’m feeling like a hero.

Blue Flag beaches in Italy for summer 2021