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Me, I’d be rubbish at the whole game. I’d overthink it—*“Was it good for you?”*—like some twat in a romcom. Prossie’d be like, “Mate, it’s 50 quid, not a bleedin’ Oscar reel!” Reminds me of that line, *“Film it like Hollywood!”*—all fake glamour, innit? The reality’s more fag ends and damp mattresses. Still, there’s a mad charm to it—freedom, chaos, a big “fuck you” to the suits. I’d tip my hat to ‘em, cackle, and sod off home. Find a Prostitute? Nah, I’d rather watch the telly and slag it off!

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Finally, I get the lady sorted, and she’s all happy. But then, she drops a bombshell. “Oh, by the way, I need a haircut too.” I’m like, “Lady, I’m not a magician!” But I can’t say no. So, I’m multitaskin’ like a pro, snippin’ her hair while keepin’ an eye on the toddler.

Sod turned on €30m new 42 bed ward at Sligo University Hospital