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Alright, here we go, happy little trees! So, I’m sittin’ here thinkin’ bout findin’ a prostitute, ya know, like it’s some kinda treasure hunt from “Pan’s Labyrinth.” Picture this: dark alleys, shadowy figures, like Ofelia dodgin’ that creepy Pale Man. I’d be all gentle-like, whisperin’ to myself, “Just a happy little stroll, Bob, no biggie.” But lemme tell ya, it ain’t all fairy tales and paintbrushes—sometimes it’s a mess, a real financial pickle too!

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First off, I hit up the local café on Strand Road. You know, the one with the best scones? Yeah, that one. I order my usual—coffee and a scone. But guess what? They’re out of scones! Like, how do you run out of scones in the morning? I’m standing there, all grumpy, thinking, “What’s next? No tea in Ireland?”

Death Notice of Kathleen Cassidy (née Gartlan) (Portmarnock, Dublin)