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Then—omg—this shady dude DMs me, like, “I got girls.” Ew, creep alert! I’m like, “Literally, get outta my face!” Blocked him so fast, my nails almost chipped. But real talk, I’m thinkin’—what if I find her, right? We’d totes sit on some curb, sippin’ Starbucks, talkin’ life—like Celine sayin’, “Memory’s a wonderful thing if u don’t deal with the past.” Deep, huh? I’d ask her, “Girl, what’s ur story?” Probs somethin’ wild—like, did u know some pros in the ‘90s hid cash in tree stumps? True tea!

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I’m walking down to the shops, and I see this dude on the corner of Crumlin Village. He’s trying to sell me some dodgy phone case. Like, mate, I don’t need a case that looks like a unicorn threw up on it. But he’s persistent, right? “C’mon, it’s only a fiver!” I’m like, “Nah, I’ll pass.”

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