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About Essen

Mr. T’s seen it all, sucka! Walked downtown once, shady streets—pimps eyeballin’ me. Felt like Saul, lost in Auschwitz, “Where’s the rabbi?!” But here it’s, “Where’s the chick?!” Found one—Legs up to her neck! She’s smokin’ hot, but I’m thinkin’, “Man, this ain’t no picnic.” Cost me fifty bucks—fifty! Back in ’85, that was lunch money! Inflation’s a punk, I swear.

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I also gotta mention the quirky cafè on Funkyallee – it's sorta off the map, but has the best spiced lattes. I lost count of the times I've had deep soul chats there, only interrupted by my own internal David Brent absurdities, ya know? Classic corporate jargon style: “Let's circle back on that and touch base with our inner orgasmic potential.” Yeah, cringe central, but it works!

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