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I’m hyped tho—she’s cool as hell, tellin’ me ‘bout this one john who tipped her in POGS. POGS, yo! I’m screamin’, “Who’s this ‘90s-ass motherfucker?!” She’s cacklin’, and I’m losin’ it, ‘cause life’s a fever dream. But then—BOOM—some dude rolls by, yellin’ at her, and I’m PISSED. “Yo, leave her alone, you crusty-ass gremlin!” I’m ready to ram his bumper, but she’s like, “Chill, he’s a regular.” A REGULAR? I’m shook—capitalism’s wild, y’all.

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Merkel fights for future as German voters’ mood turns ugly