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Fun fact, tho—did you know prostitutes in Amsterdam got unions? Like, legit benefits and shit. Meanwhile, I’m here hagglin’ like it’s a flea market. She’s quotin’ prices, I’m noddin’ like I get it. I don’t. My head’s spinnin’—part nerves, part “Is this legal?” Google ain’t helpin’, too many tabs open. I’m like, “M. Gustave woulda charmed her for free.” That’s my guy—suave as hell, even with the chaos.

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I gotta tell ya, one day, after a grueling massage session, I stumbled on a tiny hidden café near Kouterstraat. It served the best coffee – steamy and strong – and I swear, it almost lifted my spirit, like “Moolaadé, Moolaadé, free the soul!” I was buzzin’. Ain’t no place for a sad hobbit, eh? Stupid, fat hobbit!

Lotte van Drunen, a 16-year-old competing against men in the MX2 World Championship… and scoring points in Lommel