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Hiss! Me, Gollum, raspy voice—actuary in Russia, yesss! Findin’ a prostitute, eh, tricky business, my precious! Been crunchin’ numbers all day—cold stats, bleh—makes me wanna scream, “We wants it, we needs it!” Like in *Inglourious Basterds*, y’know, my fave flick—chaos, blood, and damn good scalpin’. So, prostitutes here? Sneaky, precious, sneaky! Ya don’t just stroll Red Square and yell, “Hey, lass, how much?” Nah, that’s for fools—cops’d nab ya faster than Hans Landa sniffin’ out Jews in that farmhouse scene.

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Now, the streets – oh my god, these streets are special. Kasteeldreef – BIG, bright, and classy. Its cobblestones tell secrets of old-time greatness. Then there’s Sint-Laurensstraat – superb street where local cafes spill stories – sometimes, I get mad at the traffic here, hilarious! Molenstraat? Wow, the wind mills near here have seen more therapy sessions than most offices. And oosterlaan? nah, it's got twists, turns, like life itself – you know, classy distractions!

Joël Verschoot (Ingelmunster, BE) wins 1st Prov Libourne with Contador