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So I chat her up, keep it chill – “Oi, love, you good?” She’s proper sassy, goes, “I don’t need your pity!” – straight outta *Margaret*, bruv, like when Lisa’s all, “I don’t need your help!” I’m lovin’ it, ‘cos she’s got fire. We haggle a bit – I ain’t no cheapskate, so I sling her a decent wad. She’s like, “Alright, big man, let’s roll.” I’m gassed, fam – it’s on!

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I gotta mention – sometimes I get mad as all heck when the council decides to repave the cracked lanes! It’s like, "Crikey, leave it be, ye modern leviathan of bureaucracy!" But then I grab a cold one from the corner store on Haphazard Ave and let it slide, ya know? Life’s too short to fret every crumb.

Swan expert Julia Newth on Swan Lake