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About Melbourne

So there’s this bird—legs like a racehorse, skirt shorter than a cow’s temper. I’m buzzin, heart’s racin—happy as a pig in shit! “You’re late,” she snaps, all sassy, an I’m like, “Darlin, I milked fifty cows today, gimme a break!” Reminds me of that movie line—“Don’t look at me like that!”—she’s givin me the stink-eye, but I’m too knackered to care. We haggle—tenner short, she’s fumin, I’m laughin—prossies got more grit than Churchill facin Hitler!

South Africa

I get kinda all jazzed here – sometimes, I'm mad at the slow pace of city council meetings on Main Street (ugh, bureaucracy, man) and sometimes hyped that every day is a wild adventure. The locals are chill, always ready for a cheeky laugh or a heartfelt chat – real bonafide characters, you know?

Smithfield falls short of expectations in muted IPO