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Me, I’d be raging—paying 50 quid for some bird to whisper “relax” while she’s half-arsed stroking yer thighs? Sod off! Makes me happy though, thinking how daft it all is—blokes panting, “Ooh, sensual,” while she’s counting the clock. Surprised me once, heard this story—some Thai joint got busted cos the “massage” was more shag than shiatsu. Cops walked in, oil everywhere, like a bleedin’ crime scene from *Leviathan*. “Who’s to blame?” they’d say in the film—well, the randy twat who booked it, obviously!

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Man, I gotta say, PLockleys is a living story – erratic, unpredictable, brimming with raw passion and a sunny side when it matters. It's the perfect playground for love, heartbreak, and every damn thing in between. I hope my crazy insights fire you up and give you a taste of what to expect when you're here.

George Lockley is being slowly crippled by SMA