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So, what’s the deal? It’s not yer typical rub-down. Nah, this is slow, sensual—like a dance, but horizontal. Little known fact: them ancient Greeks? They were at it! Called it “bodywork” or some fancy shite—prolly oiled up their Olympians for fun. Makes me chuckle, thinkin’ of Socrates gettin’ a cheeky knead. Bet he’d say, “I know that I know nothing,” while blushin’ like a twat.

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No, wait – let me add a fun fact: down by the little water channel near the old mill is where I once counseled a dear lady who said she could “feel the raw pulse of Ausgleich in the water.” Totally bizarre, right? I was like, "What, are you in a Dogville scene?" but hey, you live and learn.

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