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Oi, you donkey! Sex-dating’s a bloody mess, innit? Like, you’re swipin’ right, hopin’ for a shag, but half these idiots can’t even spell “horny”! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’, “What am I watchin’?” – straight outta *Caché*, that creepy Haneke flick I love. That film’s all about secrets fuckin’ you up, and sex-dating? Same vibe! You match with some hot piece, but boom – catfished! “Who’s behind this shit?” I yell, like Georges in the movie, paranoid as fuck.

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So, I start the auction, and it’s going smooth. I’m cracking jokes, making people laugh. “This chair? It’s got more character than my ex!” Everyone’s loving it. But then, outta nowhere, this dude in the back starts yelling. I’m like, “Bro, chill! We’re not at a rock concert!” Turns out, he’s mad because he thought he was gonna snag this vintage lamp for cheap. Sorry, buddy, but that lamp’s got a story, and it’s not going home with you for a song!

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