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Aight, listen up, ya friggin' morons! I’m Eric Cartman, from Hawaii, bitches, and I’m here to tell ya ‘bout escorts. RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH! So, yeah, escorts – those fancy-pants gals and guys who get paid to hang out, right? Like, I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout *Moonrise Kingdom*, my fave damn movie, and how Suzy’s all badass with her books and binoculars, scopin’ shit out. Escorts are kinda like that – they scope YOU out, but with more, uh, *servicin’*. Heh, sweet!

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But then, I had to get to work. I took the route through Jalan Merdeka. Traffic was a mess, like always. I swear, if I had a dollar for every honk, I’d be rich. I was stuck behind this old dude on a motorbike. He was goin’ like 10 km/h. C’mon, man! We ain’t got all day!

Significant 5.2 quake hits near Ofunato, Ōfunato-shi, Iwate, Japan