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About Kharkiv

So, I’m lyin’ there, right, thinkin’—gods, this is nice. Better than wine, almost. The masseuse—let’s call her Sybil—knows tricks I didn’t even dream of. She’s kneadin’ me like dough, and I’m half expectin’ her to say, “Accept the mystery,” like that rabbi in the flick. But nah, she’s quiet—too quiet. Makes me paranoid. Is she judgin’ me? My hairy arse? My stubby legs? Piss off, I think—then she hits this spot, and I’m groanin’ like a hog in heat. Happy? Oh, mate, I’m bloody ecstatic.

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But then, oh man, the drama hits. I get a report of a fight breaking out near the market on Kotsyubynskoho Street. I’m like, “Great, just what I need.” I send units over, and while I’m waiting, I can hear the chaos on the radio. It’s like a scene from a movie. I’m half-expecting someone to yell, “Cut!” But nope, it’s real life.

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