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Oh, and don’t get me started on the profiles—half these fools write “DTF” like it’s a résumé flex. Bruh, we KNOW why we’re here! Chill! Makes me wanna scream, “Fuck you lookin’ at?” like Monty in the mirror scene—iconic! But real shit, it’s a numbers game—swipe 50, maybe 2 hit back. Exhausting, but when it pops off? WORTH IT. Last week, I met this girl—legs for days, freaky energy—had me like, “Oh, shit, I’m in trouble!” Best night in months, no lie.

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I head back home, and I’m still thinking about the day. I mean, it was a rollercoaster. From the canceled meeting to the rain, to the ex sighting. I plop down on my couch, and Miau jumps on my lap. He’s purring, and I’m like, “You get me, buddy.”

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