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Aye, precious, listen up! Sex-dating’s a bloody mess, innit? Like, you swipe right, thinkin’ “she’s fit,” then bam – ghosted! Stupid, fat hobbit! Makes me wanna scream, “What’s the trick, eh?” Been butcherin’ meat all day, hands stinkin’ of blood, and these apps? They’re worse than a pig’s arse. “We build our own cages,” like Kaufman says in *Synecdoche* – fuckin’ true, mate! You’re trapped, scrollin’, hopin’ for a shag, but nah, just bots and weirdos.

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Finally, I get the guy kicked out. The crowd cheers! I’m feelin’ like a rockstar. But then, just as I’m baskin’ in my glory, I get a text. It’s from my mom. She’s like, “You forgot to call me!” Ugh, moms, right? I mean, I love her, but c’mon!

Reopening of long-shuttered metals plant brings jobs to East Kazakhstan village