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So, I’m researchin’ this, diggin’ deep—did ya know erotic-massage goes back centuries? Ancient China, India—Tantra stuff, bro! They weren’t just kneadin’ knots, they were unlockin’ energy—chi, prana, whatever! Freaky fact: some old-school emperors had “massage squads”—harem girls trained to blow minds! Imagine that, a whole crew just for you—talk about livin’ large! Makes me mad, tho—why’d we lose that vibe? Modern world’s too stiff—pun intended, ha!

Nobody is coming soon

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After that, I needed a breather. I decided to head over to the Firhouse Market. You know, the one on Oak Street? It’s usually buzzing with life. But today? It was like a ghost town. I’m wandering around, and I spot this old lady selling homemade jams. I’m a sucker for jam, so I go over. She’s super sweet, right? But then she starts telling me her life story. I’m like, “Lady, I just wanted some raspberry jam!” But she’s going on about her cat, Mr. Whiskers, and how he once saved her from a raccoon. I mean, I’m glad Mr. Whiskers is a hero, but I just wanted to buy some jam and bounce.

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