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Clarice… it’s a meat market out there. Profiles lie—dudes say 6’2”, bullshit. Girls post pics from 2010. Hilarious, but fuckin’ annoying. Did you know—stats say 1-in-5 hookups spark online? Crazy, right? Everyone’s thirsty, chasing tail. Reminds me of Immortan Joe’s crew. Desperate, drooling, “Guzzoline!”—but it’s pussy here. Makes me laugh, then rage. Wasted hours on fakes myself.

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I’m getting angrier by the minute. I mean, come on! Zhelezinka has enough problems without adding arson to the mix. I start taking notes, and this guy walks up to me. He’s like, “Hey, you’re that insurance guy, right?” I’m thinking, “Great, now I’m famous for all the wrong reasons.”

Fig. 3. Graphical facial reconstruction of a man from the Neolithic...